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loathe

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marco rabadan
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How to charm others

Want to improve your charm ? Here's what people generally find likeable in another person ?

Love them or them , trust them with your darkest secret or keep them at arm's length , most of us have a sneaking admiration for that charming individual we occasionally encounter . It might be a stranger at a party or a visiting manager , but there are just some people that could charm a snake in the desert . The quality they have is hard to define , but if you could capture it in a bottle then it would make you a fortune . Many would have you believe that winning people over is , that it comes from good breeding or a certain type of background ; but in reality , there is a surprising amount of science involved and that makes it easier to learn .

It's a fact that we make a lot of assumptions about a person before we are introduced to them , from their , the way they walk , their , even the clothes they are wearing . A professor of psychology at Princeton , Alexander Todorov , has shown that after seeing a face for less than a tenth of a second , people make judgements about how likeable a person is , how trustworthy they are , and their general . Moreover , it seems that while you may not be able to easily alter your facial features , the good news is that you can alter your expression and something as simple as looking happy has a positive influence on others . Todorov explains : ? People will perceive a smiling face as more trustworthy , warmer , and sociable . ?

Remember though , that all is not lost if you fail to make a good first impression , it's still not too late to win someone over . This is where charm comes in and ? it seems ? being liked is important if you want to get on . Best of all , it's possible to train yourself to be charming , even if your nature is to be an introvert . The TV show host Johnny Carson is a famous example of someone that disliked socializing , but learned how to be extremely sociable in front of the camera . So what tips are there from the experts ?

Well , it starts with a simple raising of the eyebrows , a slight of the head , and a smile . Then you make the interaction about the other person . That means not talking about yourself . However , the interest needs to be genuine , if your eyes are flashing around the room looking for another contact , then the moment is ruined .

You could try finding some common ground , even when your opinions diverge . When you disagree , instead of scoring points in some imagined intellectual contest , listen carefully and look for areas of agreement , at least in principle . Another key to likeability is to mirror the body language of the other person . Jack Schafer , psychologist and likeability coach , suggests that mirroring is also a good test of between conversation partners . Once you have made a successful start , Schafer goes on to recommend that you release of information little by little . A common mistake ? he says ? is to overwhelm people with too much information all at once . By revealing details like crumbs you keep them interested ? a bit like landing a fish .

Of course there is not always time to get someone to like you and if what you are after is a quick advancement in a relationship , it seems that persuading someone to part with personal information is the fastest way to establish a rapport . And the best way to achieve this is to offer personal details of your own . The more open you are , it seems , the more people will like you .

So , next time you walk into a room filled with new faces , with a little effort and bonhomie , it could be you that everybody wants to get to know .


Let's see what you understood !